I think one of the best things I have ever learned in my life is how to experiment. I am not sure when it happened exactly, but I’ve been doing it as long as I can remember. Sure it’s a very scientist-esque thing to do for a yoga teacher, but I am a self-scientist. Studying myself and my patterns is one of my favorite things to do. I often have to do minor battle with the perfectionist part of myself to experiment and to remain open to what might be, but it is always worth it to see what I can learn.

I’ve been experimenting on myself for years, like any good scientist and yogi. I didn’t realize how unusual a thing this is to say and do, until I shared the sentiment with a friend recently. She said, “what do you MEAN experiment on yourself?” Her tone told me that she was intrigued and slightly scared. When I say experiment on myself, I mean I move parts, things, behaviors, stuff around in my life to see if it is working or not. I test it. I play with it. I have done this with food, relationships, sleep, environment, and physical things – like furniture, how a draw is organized, which area of a room I set my desk up in, and on and on. I keep trying things until I can learn or unlearn a pattern or belief that might not be serving me.

I’ve learned that often humans will do things that don’t work for them over and over again because it is a familiar groove and they are likely asleep to it not working. We know what to expect, so we keep doing the same thing instead of going into the unknown. It reminds me of the saying “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” If ever there was a belief in American culture that is surely one of them. This belief is accepting that things can be “not broken,” but also be non-functional and that is ok. It also doesn’t take into account the nuance of each person and their situation, life, personality and experiences. Something can be “working,” but also not be functional or optimized. For example, being “healthy” but not “well.” This is duct tape mentality, and I can see it so many places in our culture. Food for thought.

You might be thinking, who has time for that? And that’s where my Virgo mind comes in, I love to simplify, so the experiment I do are small and as uncomplicated as possible. Which to me, are some of the best ways to get anything done. Keep simplifying until it becomes accessible. We (humans) often think that things are the way they are and there is nothing you can do about them. Fixed if you will. I am not from that school of thought, though I used to be, so I completely get it. I think most things are mutable, changeable. This is especially important for our minds and our beliefs. Our limiting beliefs can get us into habit and pattern loops that don’t serve us or support us, simply because we believe they are fixed. This is where PSYCH-K and yoga can come in (more on that another time). This is also where experimentation is so important. It can show us that we are not as fixed as we think we are. I also want to say at the outset, I do these experiments from a place of compassion and support, not punishment or being right or wrong or harsh or judgmental with myself. (Though back in the day that would have been the case.)

I digress, you came here about coffee, didn’t you?

I’ve quit coffee many times. Sometimes after a cleanse, (I used to do multiple cleanses a year) let me know how addicted I was to coffee in the form of debilitating withdrawal headaches, and sometimes because I was in a no coffee phase. This time, I experimented with quitting coffee because of two main reasons. One, I’ve changed a lot over the last three to five years, and I was wondering what it might be like to be coffee free as this version of myself - what might it open up or teach me that it might not have before. Second, I decided I really didn’t like the idea of being dependent on it during a time when so much is so unknown. The idea of getting a withdrawal headache or days of withdrawal headaches during an emergency was just very unappealing to me.

I started this adventure the second week of May (2021). I only know this because coffee intake is one of the things I track in my bullet journal. (What? A good scientist always takes notes , Kidding, I track things because I can’t remember them AND I like my own data. If FB gets to collect data on us, I certainly want to collect my own data too). I started decreasing, or weaning, my coffee intake by a quarter. For the first three weeks of the experiment I can see that I wasn’t serious at all. I went from 2 cups, to ¾ cup, to half a cup, back up to one cup, then back to a half all in the same week. Then I went from half a cup for five straight days, then I was back up to a full cup for a few days. You get the idea. In June, I can see that I got a little more serious and consistent about it, half a cup a day for two straight weeks. By July 31st I got to zero cups. That lasted for five days. I then did three days in a row of half a cup before I went back to zero on August 8th (which incidentally is also the one year anniversary of this website).

I was coffee free from August 8th until December 6th when I decided to run another experiment – What is it like to reintroduce coffee?

In previous times where I quit coffee, I noticed I had better sleep, and once I got over the withdrawal, I had a clearer mind. And each time I quit, my coffee habits would change when I reintroduced it. Over the years I went from cream and sugar, to milk and sugar, to sugar, to black and then to black cold brew only, which I would make at home. Interestingly, this time I didn’t find it helped my sleep. I also didn’t get the clarity of mind I remember from before. I also found myself still wanting it mentally more than I had in previous times. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, until thanksgiving.

I was driving to my Aunt’s house for thanksgiving with an annoying headache when I realized what was going on. I was back to having caffeine withdrawal. Not every day, but a lot of days. Instead of basically quitting all caffeine the other times, that wasn’t what I had done this time. In late October and November when the weather started to get cold, my intake of black tea increased, as well as hot chocolate. I was drinking about a pot of tea a day (I’m Persian, it’s a cultural thing we do). Everyone says, oh tea doesn’t have that much caffeine as coffee, and while that is true, it depends on how much you are drinking. I had effectively restarted my caffeine addiction without realizing it, and started getting low grade withdrawal headaches. At first it was subtle, until that drive to Thanksgiving where I realized, this feels like a caffeine headache. I drank a few cups of tea at my Aunt’s house to see if it would help, and surprise, surprise, it did.

This got me thinking about my experiment. I had made an amateur mistake in habit change. I hadn’t replaced my coffee ritual with anything. I had left myself hanging. I hadn’t set myself up for success. Early in the experiment, I had switched to warm water and lemon in the morning, but it didn’t stick. Then I went to room temperature water. And then eventually I found myself back at tea.

That leads me to early December when I decided to reintroduce coffee to my morning. I reversed the process and started with a quarter cup. I expected to feel relieved when it hit my tongue. I didn’t. I expected to want more than I had poured for myself. I didn’t. The black cold brew I had poured for myself (store bought) did nothing for me. I was shocked. I didn’t even finish everything I had poured for myself. About a half hour later, I did notice I had a slight heart flutter for a few minutes, but other than that, I didn’t notice anything. I found I could take it or leave it. I also didn’t get the expected energy boost or the “let’s get to the task list” feeling that I used to get. It was all very odd and confusing. So I tried again the next day to see if it would be any different. It wasn’t.

For six days I experimented with a quarter and a half of cup of coffee. (And I still drank some yogi teas too). I’m still completely indifferent, which feels like a revelation and a paradox. There is still a part of me that is clearly physically addicted to caffeine, but my mental desire for coffee has apparently shifted with the re-introduction. And even though I drank a half a cup of coffee while writing this, I still find myself thinking I could take it or leave it. My next experiment will likely be that, leaving it again, except this time with a better framework to set myself up for success.

So why did I share all this? To offer a new way to look at your habits and patterns. We often think that habits are either good or bad, and sure some of them might be, but most of them live in the gray area of not being inherently good or bad, and there is no reason we can’t experiment with shifting them.

The word samskara in Sanskrit is translated as subtle impressions or mental impressions or sometimes simply as habit, not a good habit or bad habit, simply a habit. I encourage an exploration of this reframe for yourself. I know that it helped me, not seeing something as good or bad, but simply as it is. That helped me consider in a new light what works for me and what doesn’t, when it doesn’t have a value judgement on it. When I am able to hold it lightly. Where you can you do this for yourself?

I hope this exploration I have shared with you will encourage you to ask your own questions. Perhaps like these –

What is working for me and what is not?

Is this a habit or pattern something I want to continue consciously or not?

When did I start this habit and why might I have started it?

What would my life be like with or without said pattern or habit?

How can I get curious about my own experience of _____________ (fill in the blank)?

Extra Note: Sometime over the autumn during this experiment, I listed to the audio book Caffeine on Audible by Michael Pollan. It tracked his own experience quitting caffeine (he cut out all caffeine, which I clearly did not do) over a three month period and the reintroduction of it to his life. Woven throughout this audiobook is also the history of how coffee entered the world. It was a truly fascinating listen and I would recommend it to those interested. (It is only available in audiobook form)

If you’re interested in shifting limiting beliefs and personal habit work, check out PSYCH-K.