#39 - 40 till 40
Confused about this post? Start with the intro - HERE
I am grateful to be me.
Off and on throughout my life I have felt this at specific times without consistency. Now, I feel it almost everyday, multiple times a day. My path has been an unusual one (aren’t they all really?) which has often led to the feeling of being an outsider. This has been reinforced throughout adulthood as I have watched my life and the lives of those around me unfold. It has been challenging to not to feel like I am always doing the wrong thing because it looks different than what I see around me. In addition, every personality type test has confirmed or perhaps self-fufilled my oddball, weird, strange, unicorn self. Not to mention messages I’ve received in the wild, like from a guy I dated telling me I wasn’t trying THAT hard to fit in, or a friend (at the time) saying she was so sick of my individuality (you can guess how long those relationships lasted after those comments).
Though so much messaging in culture and in my life has implied I am wrong or that I am doing it wrong, some part of me has always been resilient and trusting in my deeper knowing. One of the most consistent messages I received as a child from my parents was to think for myself, which I am sure has helped also (though I don’t know if they were always happy with the result of this lesson in practice, but they kept teaching it anyways). I don’t know how the resilience and deep knowing has withstood the messages I have received, but it’s there, and in times of being in the dark, it lights my way, encourages me, and reminds me that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. It’s also something that is incredibly hard to describe in human words.
With much practice, healing, reprogramming, and support, I now believe my inner knowing more than anything. I trust it more deeply. I know that I’m not doing it wrong because there is no wrong way. There is only the way that is aligned for me and this path I am on. So now, I embrace the strange, weird, oddball, unicorn things about myself. I know I couldn’t be anyone else if I tried (and I did try). I love these parts of myself and I am grateful for them. They make me who I am, they make me the teacher and guide that I am, they make my soul light up because they are my soul showing on the outside.
We are all “weird” in our own ways, we are all unique, and we are also not. Allowing and embracing all parts of ourselves no matter how mundane, unusual, in line with society or out of line with society, clears the way for our lives to unfold in alignment with who we really are and the gifts we are here to bring to the world to be available. You can’t be anyone else but you, and that is beautiful. I am grateful for that because it allows each of us to connect in our uniqueness to create a more wonderful whole. Yes, I am an idealist, something I used to think was “bad,” but now I wear with pride. The idealists are the creators, we are the imagineers, we dream the world a new, and though we often get a bad wrap, we need every type of person. We are each playing a role, bringing certain skills and gifts, and we are all needed to move humanity forward.
I am grateful to have this life. I am grateful to be me. I am grateful for this path I am on. I am grateful for all that will unfold that I cannot even imagine yet.
