Reflections on 40

Posted: February 22, 2023

Note - In the middle of writing this post, I rediscovered my “Reflections on 30” post over on my travel blog. Fun fact, this post was written when I had already decided to go around the world, but had not yet announced it to anyone. If you’re curious, you can read it HERE

In 2022, right before I turned 40, I wrote a blog project called 40 till 40 Gratitude Project. As I turn the calendar on my life again, I thought I would reflect on this past year of 40.

I often do this in private, but I am being called to share more and more, or rather being lovingly pushed by my astrology, my intuition, and life around me to do so more in “public.” So here we go.

When I wrote the project last year, every single part of it ended up being surprising. I didn’t think I would share so much, or that I would let it be so revealing, but I did. It felt like it was what wanted to come through me. This is one of the major things I have learned this past year, sometimes there are just things that want to come through me, if only I let them.

There are things that have always felt easy to allow to come through me, travel being one of the major examples. Where travel is a “stretch” for a lot of people, it is and it isn’t for me. I thrive in that space, while I find others less easeful. Teaching and guiding has often been on both sides of this spectrum. It is both easeful and challenging. In fact, most of the time I’m not sure I want to do it at all. And, yet, here we are. This past year has brought that more and more to the forefront. Though you may not see a full slew of classes each week, I am being called to teach or guide in certain specific ways behind the scenes and in a more public facing way. I am feeling more called to teach small groups of dedicated practitioners. I am feeling called to continue with my one on one private sessions (which I love being able to hold space for). I am feeling called to do more writing. I am feeling called to continue the exploration of conscious technology and phone use. I am feeling called to connect more deeply within as a way to connect more deeply with the world around me and be in relationship to and with the world around me. This past year has taught me that all of these things are essential for me in a fundamental way, even if I’m not always sure why. Mostly though, they ground me and challenge me.

This past year, as with all years, has been filled with deep learning and unfolding. I have peeled back further layers of social conditioning, learned more about who I am at my core, and what I need to live a healthy life that is in alignment with my highest good. When I get quiet and listen deeply, the clues are all there, in my body, in the world around me, in my relationships, in my interactions. And sometimes, like all humans, I don’t listen at all. It happens, but what is new, or newer in the last several years, is the compassion for myself when I don’t listen, when I miss something, when I mess up, when I make a mess of something. This might not seem like a big deal, but for me it is. For a big portion of my life, I could find compassion for everyone except myself. Turning the mirror on myself has opened up a cavern of self-compassion I didn’t know could exist and I am so deeply grateful for this shift. It got even clearer this past year.

To the fun stuff, that’s why we’re all here right? 🙂

Travel. I got on a plane for the first time since March 2020. This felt huge. I didn’t realize how important it is for me to see the earth from above the clouds. I would never have considered this to be a thing for me, but apparently it is. I teared up on the plane. I traveled to North Carolina, and Ireland. I also took a pretty amazing road trip to Acadia National Park, which I would recommend to anyone and everyone. I also took a number of local-ish trips and saw a few things in my home area that were new to me. (Another thing I strongly support, “traveling” local in your own backyard.)

Education/Curiosity. I studied some exciting new materials throughout the year that I am grateful for. To name a few, Yoga for Changing Times, Unani Biotypes, Healing and Embodiment through Dance, A Yogi’s Guide to Joy, Heart Centered, and some Shamanic Studies.

Teaching/Guiding. I spoke about this a little above, but to expand a little, I guided a small group through all new offerings to my catalog last year. There wasn’t a single class I offered that I had taught before, which I am only realizing as I write this right now. It was so fun! I know this might not be everybody’s idea of fun, but it brought me so much joy. Yes, there were technical issues. Yes, there were things I did wrong. Yes, I could have done some stuff better, but on the whole it was an absolute delight. I look forward to doing more of that this year too. I also had the opportunity to work with some new folks in private sessions which I also really enjoyed. There is just something magical that can happen in private sessions that I have yet to experience in other settings.

Friends. This landscape has been shifting as a natural part of midlife for me, in addition to the pandemic, and a few other factors. I was pleased to cultivate and develop a new friendship I started in 2021 throughout this year and strengthen it. I was also lucky to see several friends in person for the first time in a couple of years. I am also grateful for the connections I made with folks who I love and enjoy that were “looser” ties and make time and space to grow stronger bonds. I also got to learn how to enter new stages and phases with longer term friends as we all evolve. All of these mirrors in my life have been so important to me on so many levels. I am grateful for them all.

(These are just a few of the many categories I am reflecting on right now.)

One of the other big reflections from this year is that I got a little bit more clear on my values. This has been an ongoing process in both my astrology of the last five or so years in conjunction with a lot of my emotional and psychological learning. After I finished teaching the summer course on the yamas and niyamas, I was sitting in meditation and had a realization around three or four core values that I have now that I didn’t really realize. I may have had them peripherally or theoretically, but this felt different. They came to me in this new way. Now, they are a big guiding force in all I do. I find this rather amazing and am deeply grateful for it. Even when these shift again as I am sure they could do, I am glad to have a deeper awareness of what is important to me personally. It has helped me in becoming in greater alignment with myself, my work in the world, and my connection to both my inner and outer journey.

I could easily go on for another thousand words, instead, I’ll say thank you for reading!